In 1942, C.S. Lewis published The Screwtape Letters, in which Screwtape, a devil, mentored his nephew Wormwood on how to manage his patient, so as to serve their common spiritual master. Screwtape advised: “Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church.” “Do remember you are there to fuddle him.”
Wormwood failed in the end and was eaten.
A recent letter from Screwtape has been intercepted. It is addressed to Dr. Slubgob, Principal of the Tempters’ Training College for Young Devils. The text of the new letter follows.
Dear Dr. Slubgob,
The Supreme Council has been long in hammering out our duties in this hour to Our Father Below. Designs grow more intricate. I trust your pupils’ progress.
In haste I write to ensure your terminology, and your program’s instruction, is current (as of when I write this, April 2024). Herewith a small lexicon showing the true significations for you and the young devils to comprehend and for their patients not to:
Social justice: The subserving of Our Father Below. (By adding “social” to “justice” we encumber the concern for human society inherent in their word justice.)
Democracy: The interpretation, judgment, and rule of Our Father Below and His votaries, and extending to our institutions, satellites, cut-outs, and other allies.
Populism: Political movements that oppose us, particularly if represented by a popular personality.
Misinformation: Miscreancy (which, as you know, changes monthly, so tell the pupils to stay current). WrongThink.
Disinformation: The witting expressing of miscreancy.
Malinformation: (Under review: We’re reconsidering how and whether to utilize this term, because the “information” deceit is too exposed. Exclude for now from the active vocabulary.)
Fact-checker: One who guards our big lies with auxiliary lies.
X denier: One who differs with our dicta about X.
Y apologist: One who differs with our dicta about a person Y, whom we detest.
An extremist: One who makes plain that he disfavors us.
A fascist: Anyone who disfavors us.
A misogynist: One who disfavors us. Use for males.
A racist: One who disfavors us. Use especially for whites.
A white supremacist: One who disfavors us. Use especially for whites.
A right-winger: One who disfavors us.
Conspiracy theorist: One who is onto us and exposing our secrets.
Diversity: Use while favoring those of diverse ethnicities, races, genders, and sexual orientations who favor us.
Multicultural: Use while celebrating those of diverse ethnicities, races, genders, and sexual orientations who favor us.
Inclusion: The inclusion of those of diverse ethnicities, races, genders, and sexual orientations who favor us, and the excluding of all else.
Equity: Exercising power to favor those who favor us and to disfavor all else.
Hate: Dislike by one of our opponents of something we pretend to respect.
Hate crime: The expressing of such dislike by one of our opponents.
Hater: An opponent who expresses dislike of something we pretend to respect.
Rules-based international order: Geopolitical decision-making conformant to our diktats of late.
Promoting democracy abroad: Our undertaking regime change.
To be clear: Something we say to summon intimidation of our opponents.
The Great Reset: Something we say to convey to our opponents: Knuckle under or we will hurt you.
Build Back Better: Dispossessing our opponents of their stuff.
DEI: Something we say to convey to our opponents: Knuckle under or we will hurt you.
ESG: Something we say to convey to our opponents: Knuckle under or we will hurt you.
Sustainability: To our liking, as opposed to our disliking.
The truth: Our dicta.
Decency: Conforming to our dicta and diktats.
The Constitution: Our agenda.
God Bless America: Oil we sometimes pour on those liable to draw away from the presence of Our Father Below.
Keep an eye out for my next, for terms and significations shall change, as change is one of our best devices. Colleagues here express concern that the significations may be dwindling to such an extent that our verbalisms lose their effect.
The moment is critical, so temporize elsewise—remember our faithfuls, vanity, careerism, bodily pleasure, and confusion—to carry your patient through to what must be our decisive triumph.
Yours truly,
SCREWTAPE
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